So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
