I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize