fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my sisters under your porch take her home
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
