My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
