There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
