Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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