Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
