that's an acceptable place to lick
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
