is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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