Screwed.edu
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There r osticjed everywhere
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
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