How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
