How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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