Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
My pussy is not your playground.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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