It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
