i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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