I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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