help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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