The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
