I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
