based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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