There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
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