You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
