So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I came so hard my ears popped.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize