I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
