its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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