You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
