I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
