dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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