Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
