I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
