is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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