Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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