woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Randomize
