If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
