now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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