@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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