I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
