Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
