i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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