Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
