Kareoke will never be a sober sport
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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