Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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