We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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