Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
