I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
