do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
