I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
