we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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