She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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