This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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