I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize