It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
