the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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