dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
