Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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