Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
