Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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