If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize