are you still at the devil's house?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
