if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
