Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
