I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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