We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
