Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
