That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
